i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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