Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
