Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
420 ftw
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
