I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
