i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
