just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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