I should be sponsored by Trojan
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
