You're completely useless in the revolution.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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