Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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