dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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