i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
