I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
