I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
