i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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