Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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