New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize