As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She needs sedatives and a leash
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
