Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize