OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
