i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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