Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
