i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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