as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
