he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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