In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
