She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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