She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
