I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I won the penis lottery.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
