I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was like getting head from an anaconda
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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