I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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