so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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