I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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