I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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