I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
