I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
