the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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