no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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