my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
