I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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