I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
