i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
only you would photoshop your dick
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
