I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
did you just send me my own nude
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
