how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
