you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
