This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
