I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
