Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
