We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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