just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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