May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
