Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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