My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
