Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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