my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
