Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I cockslap morals
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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