Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
