If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
