If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
