I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
