Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
