I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
