STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
