Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
