I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
