I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
