I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
