Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
