Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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