I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry about my life...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
