May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I want a musical about memes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
