shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
