I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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