i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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