It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize