It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
