I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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