Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
