Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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