I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hippo gnu deer
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
