I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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