it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
