Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
