I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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