The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I smell stomach acid.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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