walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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