Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize