now i know why i became what i already was.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
