Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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