omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
