theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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