I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
