so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
