How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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