Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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