Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
