mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize