he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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