Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
