I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
