That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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