I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize