Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
